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No Sleep

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by Stay Inside

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1.
Revisionist 04:06
There's a tick in my membrane saying that he can get me fixed up. He'll take care of everything and tell me I never loved anyone... that I could steal ideas that seem better than my own kind. I drill where it sparks up, split through case and collagen. Say something just to say something, make sure I didn't go too far in. Now I'm replacing all these links in sequences. It seems things are going my way, but the picture's weak. Everything's a copy that I'm copying. Now the static creeps, and it replaces you with who— I hope I'm not a case study. I hope they don't put my brain in a tank and poke holes in the holes I've made. I hope they don't find my memory tapes, because I grow thorns on my tongue when I speak, I grow burs on my lungs when I breathe, I've been selling a pipe dream through my teeth, and now I'm buying in because it seems so nice to reckon you're the good kind. I reckon I'm a good time, but I dug too deep. I ripped up flowers when I wanted weeds. Now the soil's clean, and there's nothing left to see. And the picture's weak. Everything's a copy that I'm copying. Now the static creeps, and it replaces you with who I hoped you'd be. All I see are photographs with faces that don't match your heart at all. I feel you leaving. You're missing something. You're fading quickly. Oh god... I'm only vapor. A breeze across your lips. No memory of this.
2.
Void 03:53
God damn you're so sick of the space between your fingers and your heart. I'd feel the weight, you'd help me out. Our legs locked in, you'd press me down. Your stomach turns, but not your mouth. You said you're sick of the space between your fingers and your heart. Liar. You slip sometimes. Absent minded. Throw the first fistful of earth. Carved into stone, you put the weight of my worth. You caught a break. I feel the weight, so go ahead and bury me. Absent minded, you mess up your timing. Motion captures what you're going after. Sensing weakness, use it like a resource. We’re unbalanced, I guess you’ll need recourse. You slip sometimes. Absent minded, you mess up your timing. We’re unbalanced, it’s your silver lining. You slip sometimes. "What comes of us comes through us and leaves us thin as string lights hung up around a tree no one tends. All night, I walk between the full moon and your heart. If there is a word for feeling lost, it is tired of being said." (Poem by Devin Kelly)
3.
Ivy 02:41
Saturate the holes in my memory, then fade away. Maybe you're dehydrated. Now you grow roots from your arms to soak up something stronger. Scabs and lesions on my brain, they close up, so I'll remember that you inject iodine into your veins and you still can’t figure it out. Why? Now you grow roots from your arms to soak up something stronger, and now you grow leaves on your eyelids to block out what you started. And you’ll find a way to leak battery acid through your temporal glands and forget it happened.
4.
Monuments 03:20
I wish to leave no trace, no code tied to string, in schoolrooms still and dark that caught us. We sink into the soil and float above the sea. Forget the history that brought us. Tear open your memory, and let the light pour out on to the screen you placed in empty rooms and in the clouds. Splice in what you wish you said, and lock the picture, burn the footage up. I wanna steal away, distorted by the day that stole and wore my face and my name. I wish that I could say there's comfort in your wake, no pride when I decay, no monuments. //////////////////////////////////////////////// Single file, wiping the slate clean, while all of the chalk dust clouds get caught in my lungs. You're saving a verse for a melody, repeating the words to yourself, as you clench your chest and pray that distraction comes faster than help. I'm pulling the shards from my tongue again. You spent the night chewing your sleeve, now you're so choked up it seems like it hurts you whenever you breathe. I heard you speaking several languages. You said you learned them from me, so I used my thumbs to pry out messages I couldn't read. Use the hand you're good with, and you'll be just fine...
5.
Silt 04:18
Twelve carbon flood, render it all down. Smell it in the sun in the hot summer months... If you feel a shake, a shiver in the slightest, then the rest of the sequence is silenced. I’m paralyzed as i stand by waiting, because you told me that motion erases. I wash in your wake, float in my own filth, dig my heels into the silt. Draft plans, never build. Before we make mistakes, drown out the burden we'd create. So nothing shines, nothing rattles or whispers, except in my mind. Let it unwind. Everything's rusted together, it covers my eyes. Faith in design, until I lose faith in mine. I fled into the night, better than into the fire.
6.
Divide 02:36
We'll speak after fires. Cut ties, we grow tired. Keeps us satisfied.
7.
Wake 03:17
No more dance floors. Fake a smile or whatever feels right. No more cold wars. Stay a while or whatever feels right. I never planned to do this on my own, and I won't let you die alone, or at least I hoped. So play the songs that you play when you're falling asleep, and bury every single secret that you're trying to keep. Now you're spread out like a sheet on a bed, soaked with ocean that leaked from my head, and you’re sinking through the bedroom floor to find the silence you were looking for. Dead set on an ending, it's a little less pressure on you. No use in pretending, a jump scare out of the blue. Embracing the structure, one less move to make. Protection's a virtue crushed beneath your wake. I'll be alright with it, if you're alright with it, I'll be alright with it. Not scared of nothing or nowhere. Just want to be sure you'll be there.
8.
Veil 02:31
It's by design then. I'm ignoring the worst of the signs. I'm always desperate to apologize, but I abandon it all. I keep it fed... With some last words, it was a theatrical exit. Clearly staying too close, too attached, is further than its necessary purpose. ///// This is dead weight ///// With some last words ///// With my head straight Before I bend... Yes, headfirst now from a safe distance. Bystander... double standard, but of course i'm staying out of this one. ///// View from safety ///// And I'll always ///// Fall back safely So next time I get the chance, I’ll make sure to let you know the moment I’ve accomplished something. What an opening line. I recoil when I play it back in my mind. Catch me mothering pride and enjoying every second of attention that I've gathered up. My conscience has told me that I shouldn't sleep without four alarms, so when I'm gripped at 30, my body will have done more than fertilize. Either way, as I'm losing consciousness, and I stare off from the top of the hill of my parents house, guilt will be the last thing that sends me down that soft slope. ///// I guess I’m dead weight
9.
Verdict 04:03
You start to cry. Realize it can take years. Vanish in an instant. Splayed out on the quarterdeck, of the hospital ship. Back. Get back. I'm a monster in the sea, absentee in the sheets. I'm at the bulkhead. I'm a rolling blackout. You told me, don't stitch it together, so I stopped. All I want is something familiar, so I stopped. With soft sounds, you cauterized memory banks while I watched. You told me, don't stitch it together. Don't worry, because i won't remember a thing. Stumbling... shrouded. Arms held skyward.
10.
Leave 02:31
I want to leave no trace, no name, no face, just water and light in the back of your mind. I want to leave no fingerprints, no evidence, just vapor and air and the smell of your hair, because you are floating over an ocean of the ones that you loved, filling their open hearts with your memory rain from above, and we will keep you locked in a bedroom in a withering crown, silent and lovely ignoring the only time that you drowned. I want to fade into the snow, heels click and sink into soil, rot into earth, grow into trees, and forget the heart that bought them.

credits

released April 10, 2020

Vishnu Anantha - Drums
Chris Johns - Guitar + Vocals
Chris Lawless - Guitar + Screams
Bryn Nieboer - Bass + Vocals

Produced by Jon Markson

Mastered by Alan Douches

Artwork + Layout by Vishnu Anantha

Poem on "Void" by Devin Kelly
Additional interlude noises by Tawyna Moraga
Guitar part on "Verdict" written by Bartees Strange

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Stay Inside New York

bryn, vishnu, chris, chris

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